Holiday

-two secure illnesses I have so I might never have to look for work / study / look for work

-I have trouble walking. In the day lately it has been better. But at nights I used to inching around. I still would struggle always to walk more than one or two blocks. And walking several blocks for years has been an ordeal with me constantly stopping. At times from 5pm onwards at night I struggle to walk almost falling over

-my Constipation problem. I sort of go in cycles of how my bowels move. At times they go normally for maybe a few months. And sometimes it changes to a new problem. Last year lot of the year I never passed feces motions. And through the day I get frequent urine surges. The whole year I would go three months without feces passing then about 10 times over 10 days. My body really buckles as I try to stop it. But I end up with urine being released. Maybe even on to the carpet. And if I was out of my home I couldn't get to a toilet in time and it would go on the floor. Some times for a while I often pass motion other times I go a long time not. But the surges continue. Lately I have passed bowel motions much better and the urine surges aren't as bad. But they are still problems. With my Constipation the problem keeps changing so it could go back to being bad again. The urine surges can happen any time. My bowel movements and these surges have been partly better in recent months, but far from right. And things with my Constipation keep changing from year to year. Even if I shower in the morning. If my feces has built up but I can't yet pass it. I am going to get over and over showing soiled clothes. The times maybe a few times a year. I don't pass enough feces. I am going back and forwards to the toilet over a day. Needing to wash clothes over and over

-and the main mental illness I suffer from. I sometimes feel like my mind is frenzied. I am stumbling making mistakes and anxious. It only takes a comment or even my spirits to be lifted to set this off

-I get tired and dangerously shaky when biking large distances

-I probably can't try to walk a block safely 

-my legs often get stiff by the late afternoon making it hard to work

-when my Constipation is playing up. Even if I shower in the morning. Biking around in the heat can cause my pants to be soiled. And if I could not avoid going to the toilet while out it would leave bad brown marks on the seat

-a few times a year while it is harder to pass motions. The feces would keep coming constantly. I feel the pressure over and over. Soiling underwear again and again in the day constantly. Meaning I have no way of working or studying

-a real problem for doing things. These days my legs are often really shaky. I often almost fall over. It gets worse later in the day. But even going out to the supermarket about 1pm is a bad idea. By the time a job or course finishes each day I could be struggling to get around